Rekindling Harmony
by freakazoid123
Summary: Katniss knew Peeta and her were over and done with. She knew the fact that them coming back together and making something like a relationship was unattainable. She knew all of these things, but a part of her refused to believe it. Post Mockingjay.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** **Disclaimer: © The Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins and so do all the characters in this story. Not including the characters I made for the story. **

**Summary: Katniss knew Peeta and her were over and done with. She knew the fact that them coming back together and making something like a relationship was unattainable. She knew all of these things, but a part of her refused to believe it. Post Mockingjay.  
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><p><strong>Rekindling Harmony<strong>

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><p><strong><em>"Love is giving somebody the ability to destroy you but trusting them not to."-<em>****Anonymous**

I trek down the stairs tiredly. The smell of eggs on the stove and freshly toasted bread fills my nostrils as I walk to the kitchen of my house in the Victor's Village. I see the usual like I do every morning. Greasy Sae, her granddaughter, and Peeta. They all take part in the breakfast preparations while I watch them quietly with a bored look playing on my face.

Greasy Sae's is overseeing the eggs, her granddaughter is searching in the cabinet for plates, and Peeta is working on the bread. They come every morning and afternoon. To make me breakfast and dinner which I'm perfectly capable of. My whole suicide attempts are over and done with; they don't have make sure. I get tired of watching them and walk around the house. My feet carry me to the study where I had my tea and cookies with President Snow who is now deceased.

I recall the horror that played on my mother's face and how she asked me how my walk went. Obviously, I was out hunting, but she couldn't say that in front of Snow. I remember the way he told me about a possible uprising and how Peeta and I should remain blissfully love or our loved ones would be killed off. The smell of crimson blood that was in his breath fills me with disgust.

The terrible memory makes me lean against the wall my back facing it. Slowly, I length lower and lower to the floor and I sit with my knees up and my face buried into them. I don't cry. I just sit there and think of all the things that have happened since my meeting with Snow in this very room. The Quarter Quell, Prim's death, Gale's going to District 2, mother working in District 4, Peeta's hijacking, meeting Finnick Odair, and going to District 13.

All the memories, good and bad, sad or happy, spiral out of my mind the very moment I hit the ground. I cover my eyes with my hands in a desperate attempt to get the memories out of my mind. Maybe I should call Dr. Aurelius. He obviously helped Peeta and his problems. I dismiss the thought, since all of our appointments were nap time events. Even though we both enjoyed them while they lasted.

The sound of small feet clacking on the hardwood floor snaps me out of reverie. Melba, Greasy Sae's granddaughter, peaks her head into the doorway playfully. She then giggles to herself and smiles, "Hi, Katniss. Peeta, grandmother, and I made the best breakfast ever! Come on!"

I smile at little Melba and think of the resemblance between her and two other girls I failed to protect. I fight the strong urge to frown deeply, "Thanks, Melba."

Melba surprisingly prods her hand out for me to hold. I take it and we walk to the kitchen together. She says quietly, "Grandmother said that you're lonely, Katniss. I'll be your friend, everyone needs a friend."

I am too stunned to speak, but I manage, "Melba, that's very sweet. I do feel lonely a lot, I guess that's what happens when you have a big empty house and no one to share it with."

Melba lets go of my hand and hugs me, "Grandmother also said to give you one of those. A hug is a sign of friendship, right?"

I hug her back, "Right, let's go get some breakfast."

Lonely. The thought never occurred to me. I mean, I'm used now to the whole empty house and no one to share it with. I don't want to share this house; the memories are too much to bear. But not for me, and that is why I go alone. Another word rings in my ears; friend. I cringe because most of my friends ended up dead or left me. Gale, Madge, Finnick, Cinna, and even Prim. They all left me and the terrible legacy they left follows me. All that leaves is Peeta.

Peeta. My supposed lover, who a few months ago thought I was no longer human. He thought I was a Capitol made muttation out to kill anything with a soul that breathed air. He's better now, but the thought of Peeta and I growing back together or rekindling back what we had is less likely than another Hunger Games. He barely talks to me which I guess is a sign of being done with me. Just like everyone else is.

When we make it to the kitchen the table is set. A pitcher of lemonade, scrambled eggs, hot toast, and ham are on the table. I take my usual seat next to Greasy Sae who gives me a plate of everything on it. She pours me a glass of lemonade also. I look around and my eyes soon fall on Peeta who's drying his hands. He looks so different from the psycho and berserk person months ago. He gained the weight back by eating and working out or so Greasy Sae tells me. His blond locks look even brighter than usual, his skin has lost its unattractive pasty look, and last of all his eyes. They look just like they did before he was tortured. Welcoming and warm just like they used to be.

I guess he feels my intent leering and he looks up at me. I meet his gaze and think of something to say, but all too soon his eyes flit away.

_Ouch_. The whole eyes meeting then flitting away scenario is like a punch in the face. It hurts knowing that Peeta, whom I've went through so much with can't even look me right in the eye anymore. I thought we over this, but Peeta finds new ways to distance himself from me. Maybe it's part of his therapy to stay away from me, the supposed mentally crazed lunatic.

It's like Peeta doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. He only comes in the mornings and the afternoons. The mornings for breakfast and the afternoons for dinner and dropping off fresh bread. I bet he even sees Haymitch more than he actually sees me. Maybe I don't need pity visits from Peeta; life the way it is now is fine. I sigh rather loudly and start to eat my hot breakfast.

Breakfast is quiet as usual. No one is in the mood to talk. Only the occasional asking someone to pass the food is uttered.

"You know," says Peeta awkwardly trying to make conversation, "What you've done with the eggs, Greasy Sae is great. They taste better than usual."

The eggs do taste different, but maybe I'm too caught up in my own thoughts to notice.

Greasy Sae smiles brightly, "Thanks, Peeta. Your toast tastes heavenly."

Silence. I tiredly tap my foot wanting breakfast to be over so I can take a long nap. The words escape my mouth before I even know I'm saying them, "Yes, Greasy Sae's right. The toast tastes great, Peeta."

Peeta looks down at his plate the instant he hears my voice, "Thanks, Katniss. You both, I appreciate it."

I want to go over there. I resist the urge to run to Peeta and tell that I'm not mad or upset. That he can look me in the eyes when he talks to me because I'm his friend and he is mine. Friend. That word again; I've never thought of Peeta as nothing more than a good friend. But now that he's not even talking to me the label goes back down to an acquaintance.

I still want to talk to him though. But instead I sit. Frozen, cold, and stiff as I always am. Breakfast ends all too quickly. Melba and Greasy Sae trudge back home after the dishes are done. Leaving Peeta and I alone for the first time in a while.

I decide I'm going to be blunt about this, "Are you mad at me?"

Peeta freezes automatically making me glad I got response. He muses his hair, "No, I couldn't be mad at you, Katniss."

I feel frustrated, "Then how come you can't even look me in the eye, Peeta! You've been so closed off since you came back from the Capitol!"

Peeta bangs his fist on the table and instantly turns to me. His eyes bore into mine with anger. I even see a bit of torment in them, "Is this what you want?" he demands scoffing a little, "For me to look at you? You don't know anything about what's going on."

I flinch at his gaze, but I hold my ground, "I just want to know why you never talk to me."

Peeta drops his gaze and looks at the window, "No. It's not you, it's me. Ever since I got back home from the Capitol I've been trying to find myself again. It's hard, believe you me. I'm sorry I came off cold."

I look down at my shoes and answer indifferently, "You could have told me."

Peeta sighs heavily and looks at his hands, "I know, I just...I just. Never mind, I have to leave," he then walks to the door and smiles sadly, "Bye."

He doesn't even wait for my response because he walked out the door, but I still say, "Bye, Peeta."

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><p><em>My feet feel like they're about to collapse from the all the running I'm doing. I turn around just to see what's chasing me for the briefest second when they hiss through their forked tongues, "Katniss, Katniss..."<em>

_My feet take off even faster. I have to get away from the mutts or else the outcome will not be in my favor. I run into a flourish of trees and look around for somewhere to hide or even a friendly face. Someone or something that can help me survive. I trip over a rock and I come tumbling face first into the ground. I shake my head as I sit up. Blood trickles down my face. I touch my nose and feel nothing except a red slick liquid. My nose is broken._

_"Katniss, save us. We need you. Help." they murmur as they come nearer to me. I try my best to pull myself up, but I realize that my left leg is stuck in a ditch. I try to pull my leg out. I pull with all my might, but no avail. I curse angrily, and spit some blood from my mouth. The mutts come to me and circle around me. I finally get a good look at them; they're a bird and lizard hybird. Their skin is turquoise and scaly, they hiss at me showing their three pronged fork tongues. Their green snake-like eyes glare at me with pure hatred._

_"Katniss, why did you leave us?" they murmur with anger their eyes boring into mine, "We just need your help. Just your help."_

_I put my hands to me head in an attempt to crush it, "Leave me alone!" I yell to the mutts, "I haven't done anything wrong."_

_The mutts aren't even looking at me, they seem to be staring at something in the distance. Then they leave and disappear instantly. I pull harder and my foot comes out from the ditch. I sit down on the ground and then it hits my ears and my feet take off at once._

_Prim._

_She's screaming a blood curdling screech calling my name desperately, "Katniss, save me! They're hurting me! Make it stop!"_

_"Prim!" I yell looking around at my surroundings, "Prim! I can't find you, where are you? Prim!"_

_I run through the trees in a vain attempt to find my screaming little sister. When I find her she's wearing a white dress stained with deep red blood. I touch her shoulder in a comforting way to tell her that I'm here. She turns around sharply as if my touch gives her nothing. She runs into my arms and puts her head to my chest._

_She looks up at me; her eyes are so big and frightened as she says quietly, "Katniss, make it stop..."_

_"I'm here, Prim. It's over," I coo to her softly to her. My eyes bulge in disbelief as Prim shoves me away from her and pulls out a knife. The knife is silver with a sharp tint that gleams in the sunlight. The light is so blinding that I put my hand to my eyes in an attempt to shield them. Prim walks over to me slowly._

_"Prim?" I ask alarmed at what she may do with the knife. For she wouldn't hurt me with it. I'm her sister, her older sister who provided for her and made sure she survived. She wouldn't hurt me at all, right?_

_Prim licks the hilt of the knife with her tongue making me cringe, "Do you know, how much you make me sick? Every time I look at you, I feel like...I feel like. Killing you. You're a pathetic excuse for a human, Katniss. You couldn't and you didn't save anyone," she crosses to me and spits on me, she whispers, "You're weak. You couldn't even save me."_

_Prim then shoves the knife into my stomach and runs away. I fall to the ground and put my hand to my wound. I taste my own blood in my mouth and I scream. I thrash around screaming hoping for a miracle._

_"Katniss, save us! Help!"_

_"You're weak, you couldn't even save me."_

_"Katniss, Katniss..."_

_My screams abruptly stop because I've lost the ability to speak. Then all too soon, I see a light coming towards me. A light so bright flashes right before my eyes..._

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><p>I bolt upright out of bed and feel sweat all over my body, "It was just a dream," I tell myself hotly, "It was just a dream..."<p>

I fall back onto the bed and sob pulling the covers over my head. For some reason this dream hits me in the gut; right where it hurts the most. It reminds me of how many souls I failed to protect. Including my own little sister. Little Prim telling me she's disgusted with me, that I make her sick, and calling me weak makes me sob harder. To top it off she ended up killing me. I never knew what a horrible kind of human I am.

It's official. I'm a menace.

I try to use the technique Dr. Aurelius told me to use:

_**My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is District 12. I was the Mockingjay during the rebellion.** **My little sister died during an attack. I killed President Coin.** **I was pardoned for my crime and all is well now...**_

_Except everything is not_, I think. I get up out of bed and change out of my damp clothes not bothering to take a shower. I instead wash my face and walk downstairs and sit at the dining room table. Then I see it right by the television. The phone. Maybe I should call Dr. Aurelius, and talk about this dream. The technique didn't work as I liked it to. Without even giving them permission, my feet carry me to the phone and my fingers dial his number.

After a few seconds I hear his voice, "Hello?"

I answer, "Dr. Aurelius?"

"Katniss? Katniss Everdeen? I _knew_ my message would get to you somehow."

I clear my throat and speak louder, "I, uh. I had a dream, Dr. Aurelius. It was bad."

"Oh, that's not good. About what, dear?" he asks.

"I was running away from some mutts in the forest and they were chanting my name and asking for my help. Then they ran away and Prim, my little sister, started screaming. When I came to here she stopped screaming and pulled out a knife," I take a pause, "She then started going off about how much I make her sick, then she killed me."

Dr. Aurelius takes a moment to think of what to say, "Close your eyes." he instructs.

I laugh incredulously, "What?"

"I said close your eyes," he repeats, "Don't peek."

I sigh and foolishly close my eyes letting the doctor get what he wants, "Okay, now what?"

"Think of your little sister. Think of what a young and adolescent little girl she was. Think of what she did to always bring a smile on your face, think of a moment when you thought you didn't deserve her love. Think of a moment with her that made you so happy that you had her, you can't even fathom it."

I think instantly of when I got her her goat, Lady. I tell him the whole story and I hear the smile in his voice, "Think of Primrose's smile, Katniss. Now, I'm going to tell you that Primrose would _never_ hurt you. You have to believe me okay? She died an honorable death and she is with everyone. Open your eyes."

I open them and feel immensely better, "Thanks, I should of called you earlier, Peeta said you wanted me to."

Dr. Aurelius says, "Peeta? How is the boy doing?"

I smile proudly as I answer, "He's doing great, but he still has his flashes. Anyway, I just wanted know if you could fix me up like you fixed him."

Dr. Aurelius takes a while to speak, "Dear, Peeta...he's still unstable. In fact, it's not even safe for him to be out. He only left because I convinced them he was better-"

I cut him off abruptly, "What are you saying?"

"There's the slighted chance, Peeta may never get better, Katniss. I have an appointment to get to, call me soon. Bye." then the line went off.

I walk back to the table and sit down. I look at my hands and feel tears stream down my face. Peeta. What did he mean when he said Peeta may never get better? It's obvious to everyone that he's making great progress. Then it hits me that I'm never around Peeta that much anymore. He may be clawing at everything he sees and screaming at the top of his lungs when I'm away.

Maybe he's acting like a sane person for me? For my benefit, but he wouldn't do that. He doesn't even care about me. I stand up and kick the chair back in, I storm out the door to Haymitch's house. When I get there Haymitch has his eyes closed and he's sprawled over his couch in the living room with the television still on. A bottle of hard white liquor dangles in his right hand a knife in the other.

I turn the television off and I shake Haymitch who's dead drunk.

I try harder to rouse him, "Haymitch, come on."

Haymitch bolts upright instantly and points his knife at my stomach. When he sees it's me he sighs and dramatically falls back down onto his couch, "What do you need, princess?"

_Princess? Goodness that's a new one_, I sit down on a futon and rub my hands together, "I felt we needed to talk?"

It comes out as a question though.

Haymitch drinks some of his hard drink and blinks a couple of times, "About? I'm not going to ask since last time you got all riled up and left."

I think of months ago after the assassination of Coin how I was on mute. The first person I talked to was Haymitch who asked if I had any "boy troubles". Hurt, I ran away from him which made him try to chase me, but he failed and fell over.

"I don't even know." I answer to my hands.

Haymitch looks annoyed, "Is it about the boy?"

"Which one?" I fire back.

For some crazy reason Haymitch laughs a full on guffaw, "I don't get you two," he says shaking his head, "One minute he likes you, the next you like him...I don't get it. I just don't."

"You're not the only one who doesn't understand," I tell Haymitch ignoring his laughing, "I never know where I stand with Peeta and I hate it."

Haymitch was never one for love advice, but he says, "Talk to him."

I shake my head indifferently, "No, he hates me."

Haymitch chugs down the rest of his liquor, "Then I can't help you, sweetheart."

I stand up and storm out of Haymitch's house. I don't even know what I expected from Haymitch. He's given me nothing.I close the door behind me and sit on the steps of Haymitch's house. After a while of looking over everything that's left of 12 Peeta's front door opens. He steps out and closes the door behind him. His blond locks are a crazy mess atop his head, but in a strange way it fits him. His blue eyes look tired and sleepy too. His eyes turn to me and his expression instantaneously switches hard.

He walks over to me slowly, "Katniss?" he asks with caution, "What are you doing here?"

Peeta's voice takes me by surprise; it sounds so harsh and mean. It's obvious the last thing he wants to do is talk to me.

I answer ruefully, "I...I was talking to Haymitch, Peeta."

Peeta nods, "I see that," he says focusing on my face, "About?"

I don't know why he's so curious, "Peeta, I hardly think that's any of your business." I tell him crossing my arms over my chest.

"Sorry, Katniss," he says with obvious hostility, "I have to go since you probably don't want to talk to me."

He then brushes past me and walks away without even giving me a second glance. I think of the so many ways our exchange could have gone, but I blew it. When he's out of sight I shove my hands into my pockets and go back inside my house thinking only of Prim and the people I failed to protect. Nightmares wrack my sleep.

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><p>When I awake in the morning I put my hand to my head and feel how hotter it's gotten. My stomach starts humming loudly. I feel something hot in my stomach and realize I'm going to puke. I get up and scamper to the bathroom as fast as I can. I throw up for a while in the sink.<p>

I use the back of my hand to wipe my mouth, I wash my hands, and I change out of my dirty clothes. I pick up my hunting bag and put on my jacket and boots. I also pick up my quiver. I run down the stairs and see Melba and Greasy Sae. No Peeta.

Of course, he wouldn't come. He hates me and I can't say I'm surprised, "Are you going hunting?" Greasy Sae asks looking at my outfit.

"Yes, you two can stay. I'll eat the leftovers." I answer going for the door and opening it.

"Bye, Katniss!" Melba calls as I close the door. I walk down the village and make it to town where I make to the Seam. For a moment I stare at the place where I use to live with my family. I shake my head and walk to the fence; I crawl over it and make my way down to the forest. After a while of walking around, I take out my bow and pull an arrow out of my quiver and load it looking for something to shoot.

A medium sized rabbit hops its way near a tree. It's out of my light of sight, but still I focus on it.

_Just move a little to the left_, I think to myself. The sound of loud and obnoxious feet walking in the grass makes the rabbit scamper away. I grit my teeth in irritation and lower my bow. I don't even have to turn to know who it is. You'd think he'd overcome that annoying habit of his by now.

"Peeta," I say through my still gritted teeth in distaste, "What the hell?"

Peeta answers, "I always take a walk, Katniss. What are you doing here?"

"Hunting," I say shortly glaring at Peeta, "The usual."

Peeta puts his hands into his pocket and kicks a pebble around, "Katniss, I'm sorry for the way I acted yesterday," he says avoiding eye contact with me.

I raise an eyebrow, unconvinced, "Really?"

Peeta shakes his head and laughs dryly, "I mean, I knew you were unforgiving, but this," he gestures to me, "This is something different. When people say sorry, Katniss most of the time you forgive them."

"Well, what do you expect, Peeta? That you can be so rude and hostile towards me and I let you get off scott free? That I can just let it go? Well, I can't because you're asking to much of me," I wipe my eyes and feel my voice crack, "You hurt me."

I look at Peeta wondering what he has to say next, his eyes are trained the ground very intently. I can't see his eyes because they're covered by his blond hair. Once, I realize he has nothing better say I turn on my heel away from him and try to walk away, but his hand grips my wrist tightly, "Don't," he whispers gruffly, "Don't leave, Katniss."

I try to jiggle my hand out of his grasp, "Let go of me, Peeta."

Peeta does the exact opposite he pulls me to his chest where I have no choice, but to look him right in his blue eyes. I try harder to pull my hand away, but Peeta's strong; he won't let his guard down. Especially when it comes to me, "Katniss, when I say I'm sorry I mean it. I don't think I could handle it if you hated me."

I stop struggling and answer, "Hated you?" I ask in surprise, "You're the one who can't stand me."

Peeta looks into my eyes and I feel a lump in my throat. I think he's about to kiss me when he leans into me, but he only embraces me in a hug. I'm stunned, but I return the hug and smile into his chest. It's been a while since Peeta and I have harbored physical affection, it feels amazing to have Peeta's warmth and tenderness back that when he pulls away I don't even notice.

He puts his hand on my cheek and rubs it gently, "I could never hate you, you mean too much to me."

My eyes travel to his hand, "You mean it?" I ask lowly.

"I mean it," he says smiling a little showing me that he still has that old classic Peeta charm.

I run into his arms and hug him tightly, "You have no idea how much I've missed you." I tell him clutching to his shirt.

Peeta leans down and kisses my forehead, I'm one not for that kind of affection, but his kiss makes me feel grounded. I don't know how yesterday Peeta and I were sworn enemies who couldn't stand the other, but now we're in the woods embracing each other just like the way we used to. Back then when Peeta and I embraced I didn't realize how much of an effect it had on me, now I realize just how much of an effect Peeta's touch has on me. I know I will not pull away first.

Maybe Peeta and I will not be what we used to be, but now I just want to be his friend. He doesn't have to be my lover; I don't have to be his. Just being here with him is nice. I don't want to jeopardize our imminent friendship. Peeta pulls away and sheepishly smiles, "I don't know about you, but I could eat a horse. Let's get some breakfast."

My hand finds its way to his, "Yes," I say squeezing his hand, "I'd like that."

I think of what little Melba told me this morning_, "A hug is a sign of friendship, right?"_

_Indeed, she's right, _I think as Peeta and I walk slowly to the Victor's Village_, It is._

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><p><strong>AN: That was chapter one! Please tell me what you think of the story. Pointers and critiques would really help. Happy Easter! :)_  
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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm so sorry, I haven't updated in ever. I just have a serious case of write's block so I need some ideas. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed, favorited, and alerted the story. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! :)**

**Disclaimer: © The Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins and so do all the characters in this story. Not including the characters I made for the story. **

**Summary: Katniss knew Peeta and her were over and done with. She knew the fact that them coming back together and making something like a relationship was unattainable. She knew all of these things, but a part of her refused to believe it. Post Mockingjay.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Rekindling Harmony<strong>

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><p><strong><em>"It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."<em>-Lord Alfred Tennyson**

In the next few weeks more and more people come by train back to District 12. Merchant or from the Seam, rich or poor, young or old they all work together to rebuild 12. I see familiar faces like Delly Cartwright who smiled happily when she saw me, "Hey, Katniss! All this building is hard work, don't you think?" she said when I greeted her for the first since a while. I also see Thom again, and a few of other mine workers.

That morning when I wake up I awake panting from another nightmare, the same one from yesterday to be exact. I stop heaving and put my hand to my forehead, which is blazing hot again. I walk to the bathroom sluggishly and take a much needed cold shower. When I walk out I wrap a maroon towel around my mid-section and stare into the mirror.

_Look at me_. My once olive skin has a sickly green tint to it, my once long and flowing hair is clumpy and currently breaking, and to top it all off I've lost about 15 pounds. I'm a complete mess in desperate need of help. I self-consciously put my hand to my dripping hair and run my fingers through it a few times. I sigh and walk out of the bathroom.

_The last thing you need to worry about is how you look_, I scold myself. I dry myself and my hair with the towel. I then toss it onto the bed and change into my clothes. A T-shirt, cargo pants, and brown boots. I come across my gray clothes I wore in District 13. I stare at them thinking about all the things I did in them, I don't really miss District 13. I hated the way Coin treated and looked at me. I shake my head dismissively and I touch my hair again and try to braid it. I fail so instead I put it into a high ponytail.

Once, I'm presentable I walk downstairs to see the trio cooking and cleaning just like they do every morning, "Katniss!" Melba runs to me the moment she sees me, "You look so pretty!" she gushes with admiration.

"I, uh...I try. Thanks, Melba. I like your dress," I smile at her looking at her floral pink sundress, "It's very cute on you."

"Thanks, Katniss! That means a lot coming from you. In fact," Melba takes the white hard headband from her head and prods it out to me, "Take this. I think it would go very cute with what you're wearing."

I put on Melba's headband and smile at her. I open my arms and she doesn't hesitate when she runs into them. I look at over at Greasy Sae and Peeta and see the both of them stopping from their work and looking at Melba and I. Greasy Sae touches her chest with her hand smiling with mirth. Peeta grins at me and then turns around back to work.

Melba pulls away and runs to the table and sits down, "Sit next to me, Katniss."

I nod and walk over to the table. Peeta and Greasy Sae bring out the food and breakfast starts. This time everyone is in the mood to talk. Greasy Sae compliments me on my choice of boots, Melba talks very passionately about how excited she is for her birthday, and Peeta brings up all the construction everyone is taking part in.

"We should help," he says drinking some lemonade, "I just feel we should, you know?"

_Yes, because we're the reason 12 is like this_. _Well, mostly I'm the reason 12 is like this, but the people at the table don't need to know that. Even if it's fairly obvious, _I think to myself_._ Peeta looks over at me expectantly.

_Oh, I have to say something too?_ I clear my throat and say, "Yes, I think Peeta's right. We should help."

"I really admire you two," Greasy Sae comments, "I really do."

I'm about to say something when the phone rings. I get up and walk to the phone; the three go back to their conversation. I take the phone from the receiver and answer, "Hello?"

"Katniss," says a familiar voice happily, "It's Plutarch,"

"Plutarch," I say with feigned enthusiasm. I was never fond of that man, "How are you?"

"Things are great, here in the Capitol. Everyone thanks you, and darling I've sent you something." he says vaguely.

"Something?" I repeat curiously, "What could that be?"

"I have sent you a box of pictures and keepsakes. Things I forgot to send to you. I think it should be on your front porch now," Plutarch answers with a note of excitement.

"Really?" I ask about ready to hang up and saunter to the door.

"Yes, isn't it exciting? I must go now, Katniss. Farewell!"

"Bye, Plutarch." I say before hanging up the phone and running over to the front door. A medium sized brown card broad box sits by the front door. I squat down to the box and pick it up. I walk back inside and put the box on the kitchen counter and turn around giving a lopsided grin to the trio, "Look what Plutarch sent."

Peeta stands up and walks over too. He looks at the box and back at me, "May I?" he asks. I nod and he walks to the kitchen cabinet and takes out a silver kitchen knife. He closes to the cabinet and walks back over to the box. Carefully, he cuts the transparent tape with the knife and opens the box gently. He puts the knife down and moves away from the box letting me see what's inside. I lunge forward and look around at everything. Pictures, items, is what I'm met with. I then see a little girl in a white blouse which sticks out like a small duck tail...

"Prim!" I yell taking the picture from the box. It's a picture from the Reaping Day, a picture from the moment Prim was picked at the Reaping. The Reaping that changed everything. I don't regret volunteering for Prim that fateful day; the Careers would of eaten her alive and I don't think I could of bared watching it. Still, a part of me wonders what it would of been like if she did leave and participate in the Games...

_No_, I think to myself, _she would of been no match to Cato and Clove and all those other tributes. She wouldn't of lasted._

But all of those things don't matter now because little Prim is gone. Those bombs that fell in parachute form that terrible day still burn in my mind. Her blond hair in a braid, her uniform sticking out like it did on Reaping Day. Desperately, I ran to her like a fool hoping that maybe just maybe I could have saved her like I did at the Reaping.

The only thing I ever wanted for her was to be safe and I failed her. I don't deserve to be here; breathing air waking up in the morning and living life. She did. She deserved to live more than anyone, but she ended up dying. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Seeing this picture reminds just how much I miss her. How much I long to have my little sister in my arms again.

"Katniss?" Peeta touches my shoulder, concerned, "Are you alright? You're crying."

I touch my eyes and realize I'm crying like a baby. I wipe my eyes and clear my throat, "I'm, yes...I'm good."

"No, you're not," Peeta insists knowingly looking into my eyes. I run into his arms surprising him and myself for that matter. Once, he's overcome his astonishment he hugs me back and runs a finger through my hair, "You don't have be strong for me. You know that right?" he whispers into my ear.

"I know, but Peeta I just miss her so much," I say into his shirt. A new load of sobs catch me and I cry even more into his shirt, "I just feel so powerless. I have no control and I hate it."

Peeta kisses my cheek lingering there for a moment, "You're going to get through this. The both of us, we're going to overcome this. Agreed?"

"Agreed." I murmur into his shirt. It will be impossible for Peeta to get over his being hijacked, but he doesn't need to know that. I won't plan on telling him anytime soon, and the thing is; I don't feel guilty about it.

I look over at Melba who has tears in her eyes and starts clapping dramatically at my exchange with Peeta, Greasy Sae smiles and gives me what I think is a wink. It's been a while since I've been affectionate to Peeta in front of other people so it's new. Those times it was for the cameras, for other people's satisfaction; to keep the people I loved safe. All in all, what I shared with Peeta was fake, some bits and pieces were genuine. This time it's real. All of it.

* * *

><p>"Peeta, look at this one," I tap Peeta's shoulder and show him the picture I'm looking at which is one of Thresh and Rue in their interview formal clothes. After, we all cleaned up breakfast Melba and Greasy Sae headed out to their house. Peeta decided to stay here with me and look through the box. I want to do something with all these pictures, but nothing really comes to mind, "It's of Thresh and Rue."<p>

Peeta turns to me and looks at the picture. He closes his eyes for a moment, "At the interviews? I remember now," he says, "That's where I told all of Panem I was in love with you."

"Who could forget that moment? I still remember clear as day." I say to Peeta feeling a little guilty about how I acted after his interview. I pushed him and he broke an urn; blood was everywhere and urn got into his arms. My reaction was ludicrous and foolish. Peeta didn't deserve what I did to him. I turn away from him avoiding his gaze and look route through the box.

"You know, Katniss," Peeta comments looking at a picture in his hand, "We ought to to do something with all this stuff."

"Like what?" I ask picking up another picture of Prim in her blue dress after Peeta and I won the Hunger Games. She looked she proud and delicate that day. I came back like I promised her I would. I can't help, but beam at the picture as I put it down. There never was the closure that I needed after Prim died. I know I'll never get that. But looking at all of these pictures is somewhat depressing. I need some air.

Without Peeta's consent or knowledge I run out the door and feel tears in my eyes. I spin around slowly wondering where to go next. Then I see the small little helpless flowers on the side of my large house and I run over to them. My knees give away and I kneel on the ground staring at the flowers. It's somewhat comedic to see how fast Peeta runs out the door and follows me.

My knees start to feel itchy from the grass, but I ignore that plus the new green stains that cover my pants. Peeta's expression is quizzical when he nears me, "Katniss?" he wonders aloud with a blond eyebrow raised in confusion, "What are you doing?"

"Prim," I say staring at the dainty primroses, "She was like a flower; small, couldn't help getting hurt, pretty. She was all of those things."

I'm glad when Peeta doesn't speak so I can continue, "These flowers that you planted are the closest thing I have to her," I turn to Peeta, "I thank you for that."

Peeta nods with caution, his arms crossed over his chest, "Your welcome."

I start to laugh hysterically and feel Peeta raise an eyebrow again, "She's gone," I feel the back of my eyes getting hot and I say, "I don't think I'll get used to that."

Peeta sighs quietly and shakes his head, "You're not the only one, I lost my whole family too."

I think of Peeta's two older brothers, his generous father who gave me the cookies on Reaping Day, and who could forget the witch? I never liked that woman. I didn't like the way she hurt Peeta when he was only trying to give me food. I don't even know how such a great man, like Peeta's father, got stuck to be the husband of that savage woman.

I nod, "I know, but-"

Peeta cuts me off and uncrosses his arms while glaring daggers at me, "But what? Are they not as important as Prim? Katniss, that was the family. They are just as important as yours."

I shake my head with vigor repeatedly, "I never said that, Peeta." I retort.

"Well, it was what you implied." he shoots back.

"Peeta," I plead overcome by the way his voice pierces my very being and not in a good way, "Please don't yell at me."

"Well, why shouldn't I? The only person you ever listen to is yourself!" he yells with vigor.

"That isn't true," I say turning away from him avoiding his gaze.

"You know, you really should stand because I can't take you seriously when you're kneeling like that." Peeta says crossing his arms over his chest again, not amused at all.

I scramble to stand upright and I try to use my most serious expression, "Goodness. Look, I'm sorry, okay? Can we just leave it at that?" I think of how a few weeks ago our roles were reversed. How he was asking for forgiveness and how I wouldn't give it to _him_.

Peeta shakes his head, "Do you even get it? Katniss, it's my family we're talking about. I have to go." Peeta turns on his heel cutting the conversation off and walks away.

I try to follow after him, "Peeta, wait. Please!"

Peeta turns around and gives me the mother of all death glares which causes me to flinch, "I'm done waiting, Katniss. You've never told me what you want and I'm done. I'm done feeling sorry for you."

I lean out and touch his shoulder hoping he'll listen, "Peeta, you really need to hear me ou-"

Peeta shakes his head with finality, "You know what the funny thing is? I actually thought you and me for once could be civil towards each other. That we could actually talk to the other without fighting or the uncomfortable awkwardness. That maybe, just maybe things could go back to the way they were and that you and I could be...I guess I was wrong," Peeta says with a distant look in his eyes he then shakes his head, "I had a really good idea. We could have made a book, but I'm sure that you're capable of doing that." he then walks to his house and slams the door.

I look at the flowers and sigh, "What am I going to do, Prim?"

I put my hands in my pockets and walk down to the Seam. I feel Peeta looking at me from his window. When I turn he pulls the curtains together instantly. I sigh and keep moving. I make it to my old home that is nothing, but a black mangled bungalow. I open the door slowly careful not to make it fall down.

He sits in the corner by the television I use to use, "Buttercup." I say simply. It stands up on all fours when he sees me. He hisses at me and glares. I thought since my last visit with him, when I cried my eyes out that we'd at _least_ be on good terms. I guess not.

"Still hate me, huh? Prim wouldn't have liked that."

Buttercup's eyes become eager and excited at the mention of Prim's name. I don't know why, but I feel the need to crush the feline's spirit and let him know that Prim's homecoming will never happen, "She's dead, you know," I say bluntly, "Been dead for a while now."

Buttercup meows sadly and curls up, "I know, even I'm not used to it."

It's a lost cause, but I slowly inch my hand to Buttercup's back where I stroke him softly. He stiffens, but then lets me in purring in delight, "Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you aren't so bad as I thought."

After a few more strokes, Buttercup hisses and stands up. I think I gave too much pressure on his back when I was stroking him because he stands up and glares at me while backing away.

I stand up and throw my hands in the air, "Look, I'm leaving." I storm out of the house and slam the door, carefulness that last thing on my mind. I walk to the town square and see all the construction taking place. My eyes fall on Greasy Sae and Melba.

The latter points at me and runs into my arms, "Katniss?" she looks behind me in the distance, "Strange. I thought Peeta would have been with you too."

It's not like she'd understand, but I say, "We sort of had a fight. You wouldn't understand."

Melbas shakes her head, "You can't fool me. I mean, did you see the way he was look at you this morning? True love at its finest."

_Did you see the way he looked at me when I _inadvertently_ insulted his family? Did you see that, Melba? Did you see the hatred in his eyes? _I resist the urge to tell Melba that she knows nothing about love. About how the last thing that I need is love advice from an eight year old.

I force a smile, "You caught me? So, how are you?"

"I bet it was the headband that made him fall in love with you at that moment," Melba goes off ignoring my question, "My headband! Do you love him too?"

I can't take it anymore. I need to set Melba straight. She needs to know that reality doesn't work like that. That life is cruel and unforgiving. That love isn't all its choked up to be. Love can break a person; make them weak. And whether Melba is eight or eighteen she needs to know the deep truth.

I take a deep breath, "Melba, be quiet. I'm not in love with Peeta and he's not in love with me. We will never be together. Besides love is the last thing anybody needs to think about," I bark at Melba, "You need to get out of your little fantasy world and face the facts. I am done watching, love doesn't bring anything, but pain. It's time you learned that and the sooner you keep that locked into your mind, the better."

Melba's whole face turns beet red. She uses her small hands to wipe away the tears, but it soon becomes futile since more and more tears spill from her gray eyes. She looks up at me; the look of admiration is gone form her face. It is now placed with a look of abhorrence. I stare back at her expressionless. Then what she does next catches me off guard: Melba pushes me. She shakes her head and steps forward to push me on the stomach. I stagger back, baffled with a look of horror on me face.

I can't understand her since she's making strange hiccups sounds as result from the crying, but I clearly understand her saying, "I hate you, Katniss."

Then she spits on me.

There. In that one moment I did something I wish I could take back. So many things I've done to people in my seventeen years on this planet I wish I didn't do, but this one and hurting Peeta take the cake. Maybe it's the look of repulsion that played on Melba's round and delicate face. Or maybe even earlier it was the way Peeta yelled at me that makes me what to shout at myself for doing things like this.

I've never been spat on, it's a simple and instant way to hurt someone. All you have to do is spit. The feeling is terrible for one, it paralyzes you. You can't seem to move your own feet. Two, you can't speak. And three, your very being is crushed. That one little action Melba did makes me fall apart inside. Makes me feel like human garbage and like I'm not wanted or needed by anyone; nothing. I know, a facile action like Melba's shouldn't eat me as much as it has, but I'm fragile. On the very verge of falling apart.

_Why do I do this? Why am I this person? Will I ever stop?_

So many questions I hear in my head and what makes me even angrier is that I will never provide the answer to them. I watch helplessly as Melba runs to Greasy Sae and points at me while telling what had just taken place. Greasy Sae gives me a look that obviously says '_why would you do this?'. _I refuse to acknowledge her look so I sigh. I push through the horrible feeling in my gut and walk away, Melba's sobbing still playing in my head.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ta-da! Angst, angst, and more angst are ahead of us. First, things first thank you for the alerts and the faves. They really keep me going. Ideas, critiques, and maybe even praise would be nice for you guys to tell me. :D**


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